A Month of Infertility
Trigger Warnings: Chemical Pregnancy, Details about symptoms during infertility, mentions of trying to conceive
Dear Cysters, Mysters, and Friends,
Happy Infertility Awareness Month! As mentioned a few weeks ago on my Facebook page, it has been a rough month fertility wise for us. Throughout this rough time, I have had a lot of people honestly just say the wrong things to me. It can be really difficult to open up to someone about how much you are struggling only to have them dismiss your feelings with a “It’ll happen when it happens”.
So instead of writing a blog post about “the right way” to respond to people going through infertility, I thought instead I would take them on a journey of a month of infertility. I tracked everything and while it was unexpectedly the most difficult month so far, I am determined to share it.
However, before diving into that, I want to share some common abbreviations you will hear or read when going through infertility or supporting someone who has.
CD - Cycle Day
Cycle Day 1 is the first day of a period
LH - Luteinizing Hormone
In women, this hormone triggers ovulation. When tracking ovulation, you want to see an LH spike to know that you might be ovulating.
FSH - Follicle Stimulating Hormone
In women, this hormone stimulates follicles to grow into an egg before ovulation. If this hormone is very high, it can be a sign that your body is working too hard to create eggs.
PDG - Progesterone
In women, this hormone confirms that ovulation has occurred. It is also critical to have enough progesterone during a pregnancy, so many women doing IVF or other treatments will be on a PDG supplement.
E3G - Estrogen
Tracking this hormone can help confirm ovulation before and after an LH spike.
What happens when these get low or high? Please note that the symptoms noted here are based on what a majority of women with infertility report going through as these hormones change. They may not reflect what every person experiences or what medical research states should happen during these events.
High LH:
Increase in sex drive
Mild bloating
Pelvic pain or cramping
Breast tenderness
Increased cervical mucus that looks and feels like raw egg white
Low LH:
Body feels like it is “crashing”
Fatigue
Headaches/Migraines
Irritability
Anxiety
Nausea
High FSH:
Pelvic Pressure or Aching
More energy
Improved mood
Increased cervical mucus that looks and feels like raw egg white
Low FSH:
Fatigue
Feeling “off”
High PDG:
Fatigue
Body “crashes” in the afternoon
Increased hunger/appetite
Breast tenderness
Bloating
Increase in gas
Vivid dreams
Frequent mood changes
Low PDG:
Cramping as the body tries to prepare for a period
Irritability
Anxiety
Sadness
Emotionally drained
Headaches/Migraines
Spotting before a period
High E3G:
Increased motivation/feeling stronger/better workouts
Improved mood
Increase in sex drive
Increased cervical mucus that looks and feels like raw egg white
Skin is clearer/less acne
Increased confidence/feeling social
Low E3G:
Bloating
Pelvic cramping or pain
Headaches/Migraines
As you can see, there’s a lot that women’s bodies can go through each month just in symptoms alone! I am hopeful that after looking at what happened to me this month, maybe anyone reading this who is trying to support someone going through infertility will understand why saying things like “It will happen when the time is right”, or “God has a plan”, or “You could always adopt” does not help make people feel better.
I took my tests between 7:30-8:00 every morning. Please note that my cycle is NOT normal by any means due to PCOS/PMOS. However, I hope this gives some insight into what people navigating infertility go through each month.
Don’t want to read through all the numbers? You can get a general idea of how often my hormones moved by looking at the chart above. The pink days are my period and the green days are the estimated fertile window. It is important to note the bolded information next to some of the days below.
♥️ = tried for kids
CD 1: Having a period
LH - 8.1
FSH - 5.8
PDG - 3.2
E3G - 113
CD 2: Having a period
LH - 3.5
FSH - 2.5
PDG - 6.2
E3G - 208.9
CD 3: Having a period
LH - 5.3
FSH - 2
PDG - 3.5
E3G - 147.3
CD 4: Having a period
LH - 2.7
FSH - 4.8
PDG - 3.2
E3G - 133.9
CD 5: Having a period
LH - 3.1
FSH - 3.1
PDG - 2.6
E3G - 136.8
CD 6: Possible Ovulation #1 (ovulation usually happens around CD 14)
LH - 9.1
FSH - 7.8
PDG - 8.6
E3G - 316.7
CD 7:
LH - 2.9
FSH - 3.4
PDG - 3.4
E3G - 132.8
CD 8:
LH - 3
FSH - 1
PDG - 7.2
E3G - 188.1
CD 9:
LH - 1.8
FSH - 2.6
PDG - 1
E3G - 57
CD 10: ♥️
LH - 6.9
FSH - 3.1
PDG - 2.3
E3G - 167.1
CD 11: Possible Ovulation #2
LH - 9.5
FSH - 4.6
PDG - 10.2
E3G - 262.6
CD 12: ♥️
LH - 5.7
FSH - 3.2
PDG - 1.6
E3G - 109.8
CD 13: Possible Ovulation #3
LH - 12.7
FSH - 7.8
PDG - 8.3
E3G - 232.4
CD 14:
LH - 9.2
FSH - 8.8
PDG - 7.4
E3G - 214.2
CD 15:
LH - 7.3
FSH - 6.8
PDG - 8.6
E3G - 250.2
CD 16: 2 positive pregnancy tests
LH - 6.1
FSH - 6.9
PDG - 5.5
E3G - 210.5
CD 17: Pregnancy bloodwork test came back negative
Possible Ovulation #4
LH - 23
FSH - 11.3
PDG - 9.4
E3G - 236.4
CD 18: ♥️ All at home pregnancy tests were negative
LH - 1.4
FSH - 1.1
PDG - 1.2
E3G - 80.9
CD 19: ♥️
LH - 7.5
FSH - 1
PDG - 6
E3G - 188.8
CD 20:
LH - 9.4
FSH - 1
PDG - 11.9
E3G - 439.8
CD 21:
LH - 3.6
FSH - 1
PDG - 7.2
E3G - 211
My two pregnancy tests. The picture is blurry because I was crying and shaking at the same time. Right after I took this, I sent it to my friend to confirm that I wasn’t the only one seeing the lines.
So looking at this, what the actual hell was my body doing? To be honest, I have no idea, but I can tell you that being told you’re having a chemical pregnancy two days before Mother’s Day will just about rip your heart out. If you don’t know, a chemical pregnancy is defined as a miscarriage before the 5 week mark, usually caused by chromosomal issues. A few days after getting the bloodwork results, I started my period, which proved there was no pregnancy and that we would be starting a new cycle.
People like to joke about how trying for kids is the fun part. I have been told by many people that if I just tracked my ovulation, we would get pregnant. You know what’s not fun? Finding out you might be ovulating the day after you were told you lost a pregnancy and forcing yourself to try for kids while struggling mentally. You know what’s not easy? Tracking ovulation when your hormones showed possible ovulation multiple times in one cycle.
People dealing with infertility are not just having a grand old time having sex as much as possible. It is mentally draining to go through these hormone changes each month. It is difficult to keep things light and romantic when it feels like your future depends on a night in with your partner.
Every time someone says “it will happen when it’s supposed to”, it feels like a slap in the face. Why aren’t I supposed to be a mom yet when the 17 year old down the street gets to be one? Why don’t I get to be a mom when there are so many parents out there that do not take care of their children at all? The questions and asking why not can be endless, and sometimes can be triggered by the typical questions people ask about why you haven’t had kids yet.
The next time you notice someone leaving the room quietly after a pregnancy announcement, maybe take a moment to check in on them. Don’t give advice, don’t try to make it better, don’t say a bunch of cliches about who has a plan and everything happens for a reason. Just listen. Listen to them vent while you sit on the couch and eat a whole pizza. Let them get their feelings out if they are comfortable doing so, because in a world that seems so concerned about our birth rate right now, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of understanding or grace given to those who have done everything they can and still are not pregnant.
This Infertility Awareness Month, I encourage you to really pay attention and listen to those in your life who are going through this. It doesn’t matter how long they have been trying, every month with a negative pregnancy test is a new cycle of grieving, and grieving can be hard to do alone.
With love and support,
Madison Spears
